Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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