covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
