I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
