dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
