Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
