just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
