If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
