I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
