I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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