I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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