I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
