CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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