I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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