He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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