The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
