i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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