i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
