im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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