last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I AM VODKA MAN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
