How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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