I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
