This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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