I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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