As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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