AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
