pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
