he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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