I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize