My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
