youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
