I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
