i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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