the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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