Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
