DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
