hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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