And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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