no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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