tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
