And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
