I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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