He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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