I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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