apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
