I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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