Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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