someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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