i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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