He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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