Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
