Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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