You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
