I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
