This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
