SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
