Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
