Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it hurts more in the daytime
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
