Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
