yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
