Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
