apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
