he puts the penis in happiness.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
