He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
