i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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