why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
