I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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