My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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