what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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