i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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