just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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