her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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