Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
