I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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