Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
