So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
