Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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