how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
