i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm passing your future prison.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
