You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize