haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
