Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
