It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
