Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
