Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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