somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
