The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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