i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
