i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
