i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
