I met the friendliest cop last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
