I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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