i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
