If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize