Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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