I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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