I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
