all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize